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Wednesday, March 31, 2010

A Look Back On March 2010




Not realizing it the last day of March has come and April will arrive quicker than I thought (I thought today was March 30th when I first woke up). I am a bit surprised that March has come and almost gone so fast but looking back I feel I have made some decent accomplishments towards hitting my million word count. I am not where I am wanting to be but I am getting closer and for me that is all that matters. As long as I am moving forward then I am a happy camper to say the least.

I have signed up for the posting everyday for a month for April. I have yet to complete this but I have hope for April. This time I was smart. I signed up this blog instead of doing one of theirs. I have a better chance of accomplishing this goal by doing this since I am in here and on OpenSalon more than I am anywhere else.

Sadly there have been a few deaths in my little blog world. I had to kill a few of my blogs because as I mentioned in another post I had too many. This meant of course that I wasn't able to give the attention needed to each one.

So now I am of course down to the three I enjoy writing in the most. Okay two I enjoy writing in and one that I need to write for the soul purpose of realizing my mistakes in that area of my life and maybe correct them as I move forward.

I have a lot of hope for the upcoming months. I am really looking forward to November when there is both my birthday as well as NaNoMo but that is getting a touch ahead of myself. I have a feeling with all this practice I am getting in that I will surpass my word count for that novel :). Plus this time I won't be making the same mistakes that I made last year (trying to write by hand for starters LMAO).

So I am heading off to make some writing magic (at least in my mind). I haven't reached my own personal writing goals for the week and I must take care of that if I want to move forward. I hope everyone enjoys the last day of March as much as I am sure I will. Be careful for those April Fool pranks that are coming tomorrow. I will be honest I am not leaving the house or answering my phone tomorrow. Plus I won't tell Connor until tomorrow night what tomorrow actually was. I might be safe that way (NOT-LMAO). Have a great day!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Spring Break: Day One- Score One For Mommy

Since Connor has gotten old enough to roam on his own and play in the yards of his friends there has been three kids who have bullied him. Two boys and a girl. One of the boys is now ten or so. The girl is a year or so younger and the youngest boy is a year younger than Connor. For a while there it had gotten to the point that Connor was coming in crying because the kids would gang up on him. It came to a head when the oldest one shot Connor with a plastic b.b. gun.

His father went off on the mother when she started laughing about it. Her answer was she couldn't control her oldest son. That we should be ashamed because the kids in the neighborhood were always picking on her son (except Connor) and it was only fair that he picked on Connor.

It didn't matter that her daughter was also hitting and kicking Connor on a regular bases. Laughing because Connor has been taught not to hit girls. When things came to a head with the older boy the sister decided that she would take it up a little with Connor. When he was playing with his friends she would come over and hit him. Chasing him away.

His father and I decided that enough was enough. That if a girl hits him he has permission to hit them back. Well that was this morning we had this talk. Connor was playing with a dog when this girl came up on him to take the dog away (it wasn't her dog). She kicked Connor in the butt.

A little while ago she was outside playing with her new friends. Connor came up and threw her on the ground and said "Leave me alone." he kicked her in the butt and walked away. Of course she ran down here with her friends to tell me.

I told her I knew about her kicking Connor and that from now on since her mama wouldn't do anything about her behavior that if she hit Connor then Connor will be hitting her back. This also includes kicking, biting, and pinching. That he was going to start defending himself. She reminded me she is a girl. I told her that from now on he has permission to defend himself. Even if it's a girl. Round one won for the mommy! This is going to be an interesting spring break for sure.

Still I am thinking I got through to her because now Connor is peacefully playing outside. I am sure that it will end as soon as I post this. Bragging usually causes that to end. Still for a moment I can breathe. I will savor this moment while it last.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Spring Cleaning With The K.I.S.S. System




I have been a little slack the last couple of days. I started off at the beginning of the week like gang busters. High word counts (especially on the 24th) and great flow of sorts. Then by the end of the week I started falling off the grid. I haven't really written anything over the last couple of days and I can feel it. I have been kind of suffering from a bad case of the blahs due to it.

Well I have sworn to get myself back on the right track of sorts. It is a new week and time for a new start. The first thing I did was eliminate a few blogs I didn't need. I felt as if I were becoming a collector of sorts with all I had out there (A total of seven).

I made myself step back and think for a few minutes if you will. which blogs do I truly enjoy writing in? Which ones did I update on a regular bases? Which ones did I use my true voice instead of feeling as if I were reaching out to no one in the universe? There of course were three winners.

The dating blog I have(http://thirtysomethingdatingin2010.blogspot.com), this one, and of course the one I have on OpenSalon(http://opensalon.com). These are the ones I have the most pride in. These are the ones where I feel my voice shines the most. So in honor of the K.I.S.S. system I decided to get rid of the others and put all my extra energy into these. I figure by doing that I won't get quite so overwhelmed in the grand scheme of things.

So what are my goals for this week? To survive Connor's spring break (I was wrong about the date. It starts tomorrow. Lord help me.), work on my writing as the norm for me, and somewhere in there get a little sleep. Not an easy task on any of those ends but goals all the same. So let's just hope that my sanity comes out with me by the end of the week (what little of it that is left) and I wish you all a wonderful Sunday and an outstanding week.

P.S. My word count for the week was 9,352!!!! An improvement from last week but I still need to push for higher. As of this post OpenSalon is having some down time to do it's updating. I will post on here the full web address to connect you with my work as soon as it comes up. The url that is on here is an active one. Just type my name into the search if you want to find me before I am able to post it. It should be by seven pm Georgia time.

Monday, March 22, 2010

A New Writing Week Has Started Off With A BANG!!!




I am pretty proud of myself right now. I have maintained for the second week in a row the 1,000 word a day count (HOORAY!!!) and it looks like I have gotten off to a very good start as far as both for today as well for the week. It is almost twelve o'clock and I have already surpassed the 2,000 mark. Which means I have met the goal for myself for today. Then to boot knowing that I am not finished for the day by any means another bonus to say the least.

Still I won't get cocky over it all. I mean let's face it when one gets cocky then one falls flat on their face. So I will keep plugging away on my little blog here and move forward. If I meet my goals for the week by Friday then it would be such a nice reward. The reason? Tiffany is coming to Macon this week!!!! I have talked my friend Dawn into going (THANK YOU DAWNIE!!!!!). Going to suit up in my best 80s outfit (or something that looks like it) and then going to have fun enjoying the music of someone from my youth.

I just have to keep focus until then in order to honetly enjoy the experinece without the feeling of guilt because of the fact that I haven't done all my "homework" (A feeling left over from my childhood I supect. Even if I wasn't that good of a student). If I keep my mind where it needs to be then I will so reap the rewards.

Not that it is going to be easy. The kids are out of school for spring break in Bibb County come Wednesday. Not sure why they did it during the middle of the week but they did. Connor will love the break from school. My body will hate it due to the lack of sleep I will be getting (It will be like a preview of how I will be come this summer break which is May 22nd). I just hope he is gentle on his old mom.

So it looks that it has all the makings of a good week. With that said I think maybe I need to take a little nap before Connor gets home from school. Two to four hours can fly by when trying to catch up on sleep. So good day to all and I hope you all have a great week!!!!!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

A New Week...A New Season...A New Word Count

So here I am with my morning coffee listening to the birds sing in the day while I do my best to wake up. I know today is going to be one of those busy days (I hope) where in a little while I will barely be able to blink my eyes in my spare time without being behind on something. So of course I figured that I would get ahead of the game today and write my post before work. Kind of like unwinding before getting busy or eating one's dessert before being served the actual meal if you will.

Over the next couple of weeks there will be a lot going on within my crazy life that will have me feeling as if I am on a roller coaster of sorts. Some of it is within my control and of course some of it will have to be the type of things that I will have to roll with the punches on. Either way at this moment I am pushing them in the back of my brain and just enjoying the songs that the birds outside my door are singing while I make up my mind that regardless of how busy we are or not it will be a good day.

On another site I write/blog on I have noticed a lot of drama. Like tiny little brush fires springing out trying to touch those who are close to them. I have had one who has tried to involve me. Not all that sure why. I have never commented on anything the person has written and we only have a few people in common as far as writers that we like go.

For some reason last night when I wrote a post about someone I had a crush on as a teenager they thought it was "small minded" that I never tried to meet this person in real life and that as an adult I have never entertained the thought of meeting this person. I thought it to be weird but just chalked it up as a person looking for a fight in general and I looked as good as anyone else to pick it with.

So what did I do? Well after answering their comment the first time I refused to engage in a battle of the wits with a person who has made their mind up to begin with that I am a "small minded" person for not stalking a celebrity. I mean there is stress one has to deal with in life and I refuse to allow someone of this nature to bring on any type of stress on me that I don't have to deal with. If that is small minded I guess I am guilty.

On a different subject I have kept my word count at an average of 1247 words a day (give or take). For last week my total was 8779. Down a little from the week before but I am not stressing over it. I mean sometimes that sort of thing happens. As long as my little word count scale keeps going up then I am a happy little girl.

I can see from the fact that I am writing more and more that I am improving everyday. Something of course any writer wants. I can see my weak spots that need to be worked on and I see my strengths which I do my best to make even stronger as the days move forward. Of course this is credited to all the writing I do everyday for the blogs I have. I mean let's face it on the days I don't write I feel out of sorts and as grouchy as if I have been PMSing or something (okay guys don't run to the hills because of that word-LMAO).

Well Connor is up now and it is time for me to get busy doing things like rolling on my war paint (make-up) as well as helping to make that hole in the ozone even bigger (fixing hair). I know today will be a good day for me as well as everyone else. Whether it's one filled with sunshine or one that unleashes the buckets from the bottom of heaven. Enjoy every moment of it one and all.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Macon At Her Best





It's that time of year again. Where everything and everyone is covered in pink. Where dogwoods and cherry blossoms peak their blooms out to be seen (due to such a harsh winter they are being a little slow about it to date). People travel near and far are coming to see the beauty of Macon during this time of the year. In Macon this is the way we celebrate the beginning of spring.

This is one of the best times to visit some say. I agree that it is beautiful. To see the city of Macon polished up to shine for the rest of the world. The pretty ribbons tied to all the businesses around town. The history that is taken for granted most days of the year is finally given it's due. It is a beautiful time for all to behold but to me it's not Macon at it's best.

I feel like Macon is at it's best on a regular day. Without all the bells and whistles surrounding it. It's at it's best on a spring day when the sun is shining. When the flowers are in bloom and the river is calmly running near Heritage Trial. When the train is racing down the tracks of downtown and heading towards 247.

Macon is at it's best on a Sunday afternoon on Broadway. When you can hear the beautiful roar of bikes riding up and down. When Big Mike's voice touches the outskirts of the Peach Orchard with his smooth sound of good old blues and down home humor. When you see kids riding up and down the streets on their bicycles full of laughter.

Macon is at it's best when you can feel the quiet of the day touch your soul as you sit on top of the Indian Mounds. Taking in as much of Macon as the eye can see. The conflicts of beautiful history meshed together from different eras but somehow are able to come together in such a wonderfully perfect harmony.

The Cherry Blossom time is wonderful. I will be enjoying as much of it as I can myself. Still I do believe that Macon has just as much to offer on any other day. That one should come on it's off season times to take in as much of it's everyday beauty as when it's glammed up in it's hues of pink.

Friday, March 12, 2010

From Connor's Mind



A while back Connor asked if I was going to die. I was surprised that he would ask such a thing but both his father and I have been very honest with him about such things within life. At least the best one can be when dealing with a seven year old boy. I mean you don't want to be too honest. It might scare him to death.

So I told him that I would one day die. That everyone in life who has been born will sooner or later die. I then assured him I would probably be well over a hundred and with him being an old man himself when that happens that he will be ready for me to move on to the afterlife.

That didn't set well with Connor. He let me know real quick that he didn't want a new Mama or Daddy (I guess he figured that Daddy would one day die as well). "I want to be a scientist when I grow up?"

"Really?" I thought the subject of death was closed for now and I was more than happy to let it drop for the time being. I didn't realize where he is going with that statement.

"Yeah. That way I can make medience where you and Daddy can be my kids. Then you two would never die."

I was a little shocked by this outlook on the subject. One that he would come up with something like that (Not that I should have been surprised) and two because he believed that when he grew up we would become kids.

I use to think that way when I was a child. Mind you itt was when I got in trouble with my mom and I would swear that when she became a kid that I would punish her the way she was punishing me (LMAO). I just didn't think Connor would have the same mind set.

It forced me to stop and really take a hard look at the person my son is becoming. How much he is growing into himself. I started looking at the way he sees life. His take on how things really are.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

A Quiet Night Of Writing In Store For Me



Connor is settled down for the night (Finally!!!). For a child who goes to bed at eight he sure does avoid sleep until ten or longer most nights like a pro. He is like that bunny with the drum. He keeps going and going and going. I really don't think he sleeps so much as he passes out from exhaustion. I don't remember fighting bedtime so hard. Okay, who am I kidding? I still push myself until I don't sleep but actually fall into a coma state.

So with Connor sleeping and Kevin lounging around due to her newly gained weight (Yeah she is due any day now). The house is quiet and it seems I have a full night of writing ahead. Not that I mind. As long as I stay on task (kind of hard for me) I should hit at least a couple of thousand or more (not counting any personal letters or journal entries of course).

So of course I am staying away from Facebook as well as Tagged until I meet the mental word count goal I have set for myself tonight as well as for the week. I have set up my area. Complete with my carte of coffee, ashtray, gum (it's filling in for chocolate since I am on a diet), and even a small sugar bowl. I have no reason to get out of this chair outside of going to the bathroom or when I need to do stretches to give my body a small break.

I have found it funny that even when time is allotted that most writers will do everything under the sun to try to avoid writing. From remembering those chores that they overlooked during the day (clipping the cat's toe nails, polishing the door knobs, or my favorite remembering that all the cracks in the sidewalk outside need to be scrubbed with a toothbrush-LMAO) to surfing the net for what you tell yourself is research until you blink and realize that wait a minute you have been playing Bejeweled Blitz for six hours straight.

It's not just me. I have read more books than I care to admit about other writers who have done the same thing. Their cure. Sit your butt down and write. Sounds simple enough. Might even be effective but one still has to convince both that little distracting voice that suggest that you NEED to watch that paid program at three am about Spanexs or the stubborn muse off in the corner who has her hand over her head saying "I just don't wanna do it today." Get pass them two and you will be just fine.

So I am off to conquer all those distractions. Hopefully I will be able to create so wonderful magic that can be loosely seen as a good piece to read. I hope everyone has a great night... K.D. Storm

P.S. I am at a word count of a little over 1300. It looks like I might have a decent writing week after all!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Writing Accomplishments For The Last Couple Of Days



I think I have gotten past the little bit of writer's block I have been sort of suffering from the last couple of weeks. I was so angry at myself for another area of my life I shut down for a little bit. I still did my posts but not much more than that. I felt as if everything felt forced. Still I tried my best to ride it out and now it seems I have conquered it for the moment at least (I never get too cheeky with my muse. She might kick me in the butt just to prove a point-LMAO).

I got in a total of 2424 words in yesterday between the different posts I wrote. Not as high as I wanted but a decent one all the same. I have already gotten a good start for today as well. I was able to do 1244 before I went down for my nap and that was for one post. Now to get beyond what I wrote yesterday by at least 1,000 and I will be doing outstanding. Especially since it's only mid week and that would put me at close to six thousand.

I have been making a point of writing about what gets my goat as well as things that make me laugh. I figure if I write about things I have a connection to then I will be doing outstanding. I have been staying away from the social sites (sorry friends). I have found that I have been getting so caught up in socializing that my writing has suffered a little. So I have set little goals that I must meet if I want to log on to the different sites.

I think I have gotten myself back on the right track. Now I just must remember to make a little time to my workout as well (I plan on running the Brag Jam 5k). I have set up a blog for training but I did let myself side a little on the fact I was suppose to start training yesterday and didn't (BAD GIRL!!!! LMAO).

Well I hope everyone has a great day. I will of course return soon as I always do :). Oh and by the way...I discovered the grammar check on my computer too. So hopefully my pieces will be a little more polished than before. I plan to start summiting. Gotta make that little leap and I feel that now is the time. I wish you all well :)

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My Brat Pack Years




I am part of the group that grew up with the "Brat Pack". The group that watched the movies that seemed to really get what it was like to be an all American teenager during that time period. Touching on topics such as love, sex, friendships, clichés, and money (or the lack of money). He spoke to teenagers like me. I mean it was like he was saying that sometimes the average gal could get the "Prince Charming". That the guys do think beyond sports and sex.

As I got older and the movies became more grown up I would long for those days of Duckie lip singing in the record store while Molly Ringwald and Annie Potts looked on in horror. I longed to see Anthony Hall holding up Molly Ringwald's undies in the bathroom for other freshmen to catch a look at for a small fee. Who can forget Ally Sheen dumping the pixie sticks on two slices of bread for a sweet lunch.

These for me are moments of innocence. I pull my copies of the movies out and take a trip back once in awhile. Before shows like Two and Half Men and Boston Legal. Taking a trip back to before they reached their adulthood.

It's strange now to see them all grown up. It's funny to see them with age and children. It's like "What happened (Not that any of them aged bad mind you) when did they grow up?" Then to glance in the mirror and realize that you too grew up (sort of LMAO).

I might not be part of the group that protested the war. I might be seen as part of the "Me" generation with the big hair, shoulder pads, and buttons with odd sayings. Still I embrace that time that gave me my precious Brat Pack. They will always live in my heart. Thank you all for being part of my growing up years.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

A Way Out- The End (Fiction)



I must have fell asleep from fear while waiting for Daddy to tell me that I could come back home. I woke to the sound of sirens. I could feel the pit of my stomach sink. Mama was having Daddy arrested again. "Or he died from being stabbed."

The little voice in my head echoed. I was really scared at that thought. Daddy was the reason life with her had been bearable. If she killed him and they believed she was defending herself then life for me was going to get alot worse. She might would even kill me. I shuttered at the very thought.

I looked out my tiny window in time to see smoke bellowing from the house and a police officer was walking towards my tree house. My heart jumped into my throat. I knew this was really bad. I climbed down the ladder. Meeting the police officer at the bottom of the tree.

I don't know why I became as brave as I did all of the sudden. Maybe it was the thought of living with her for the rest of my life. Before the officer could say anything I rattled off like a machine gun. "I won't live with her. She killed my Daddy and she will kill me!" The sobs I had been holding back flooded my face.

The officer reached for me and held me in his arms while I cried. Every moment of sorrow since I was born escaped my body. He just patted me on the back and let me get it all out. Once I had stopped crying he told me what happened. "Honey I hate to tell you this but both of your parents are dead. Your Daddy killed her and then set the house on fire to kill himself and burn her body up." he studied my face for a moment. "She was that bad?" I nodded my head to confirm what he asked. "You poor thing." He grabbed my hand and led me out of the woods.

I was taken to the children's home to live. Life was strict but nice. There was no outburst. No one to hurt me for dropping milk. Just a some what normal life. I wore that necklace he gave me that day around my neck for the rest of my life. I was proud to be my father's daughter. especially when I got old enough to learn what happened.

After I left Mama and Daddy fought even harder. She beat him down within an inch of his life. She had demanded he go get me but he wouldn't. Then she went to call the police. She was going to claim he kidnapped me. She never made it to the phone. Daddy grabbed the gun in the kitchen they had for safe keeping. Looking back I think Mama forgot it was even there because she never tried to use it on either of us.

He fired once. Killing her instantly. Then knowing he would go to jail since there was no doubt he would be put in jail he decided to kill himself. He turned on the gas stove and blew out the pilot light. Then he called the police to tell them what he had done and why. He told them where I was. Then he hung up. Taking the gun he shot himself. The spark from the bullet blew up the house.

No one ever said it but he did it for me. I am sure he had planned it from the moment he took me to the fair. It was why he took the chance of facing Mama's rage in order to make a memory with me. He wanted to give me a better life. He wanted to give me a way out. To give me a chance to have a chance to break the circle that Mama was following. That was what he did the day he killed Mama and himself. It was the last gift he gave me. To allow me to soar like the dove on my chain.

Friday, March 5, 2010

A Way Out-Part Five (Fiction)



Mama stood up and recoiled as if she had been hit instead of me. I laid on the floor watching as she turned away from the table. Using the counter as support. "I can't believe you are treating me in such away." She let another sob escape "I was here sick and you two were out painting the town red. That is just sick! With your own daughter you cheat on me!"

Daddy snapped his head up "We didn't do anything improper Laura. We just went to the fair."

She spun on her heel. She took a knife from the counter and planted it in Daddy's arm. I let out a scream. " Mama! Please!" I had scrambled from my spot on the floor at the risk of getting hit again or even worse. "Please don't hurt Daddy!"

"Don't hurt Daddy! Don't hurt Daddy!" With lightening speed she was in front of me and within an inch of my face. I felt my body tremble but I stood my ground. If Daddy could stand up for me then I could stand up for him. "How about the fact that he hurt me! Spending money on a whore like you! Tell me girl! Tell me how you let him touch you!"

"No Mommy. He didn't touch me. I swear." She laid her fist into my stomach with full force. Knocking the air out of me.

"Don't lie you little bitch! He touched you and you liked it! I know you did!" she looked like a screeching banshee. "I am going to call the police and have you both put under the jail little girl!" I was trying to catch my breathe while she issued her threats. I was scared too death. Not because what she was saying was the truth but because of the fact that I knew the police would believe her regardless. They always did.

Mama went to hit me again but my Daddy bleeding jumped in between us. "Leave her alone. You have the problem with me. Not her. I took her out and no nothing happened. No matter how much you try to make it true with your twisted thoughts" He was now in her face. Blood dripping on the floor the whole time. "Honey, Take the money out of my pocket and leave. We need to be alone." I did what he said as quick as I could.

"Oh No! She is going to stay here and take her medicine If she is woman enough to steal my man then she needs to be woman enough to take the punishment"

"Go." Daddy hissed. I turned and ran out the front door. I knew where I could go. I could stay there all night.

I ran through the woods just across the street. Down the path that I could travel my eyes close. I was in front of my tree house Daddy had built for me years before. It was more like a mini house. It had heat, blankets, and a fridge full of food. It was a safe haven for the times Mama kicked me out of the house or the fights got really out of hand.

I climbed the ladder and crawled in. I hid under the blankets on my little cot. I was scared. Things had gotten bad before but never like this. I didn't have to worry about Mama coming there. She never came there. She was scared of the woods.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

A Way Out-Part Four (Fiction)



The ride home was quiet. As if we were taking our walk down death row. Each of us bracing ourselves for our punishment for what she would see as betrayal. I was grateful at that we hadn't gotten any keepsakes outside a cheap necklace Daddy had won throwing darts.

It was safely tucked away in my jean pocket. I just had to remember not leave it there for her to find when she did laundry. It would just set her off yet again. I didn't want that to happen yet again after she calmed down from the one she would have today. I slid my hand into my pocket just to touch the cheap chain with the flying dove. I thought it was so beautiful. The bird looked so free. The way I wanted both me and Daddy to be.

The house came into view way too soon. Daddy didn't try to sneak us in as we had snuck out. She knew we were gone and there was nothing that could change that fact. So we were going to have to face the music. The shutting of the car door seemed to echo in my head. I was sure she could hear it through the door. Even if logically the front door was too thick for such a thing. It didn't stop me from thinking it all the same.

We walked through the door as if we were thieves in the night. Careful to align our shoes just the way she liked them. We walked into the living room. There wasn't any sign of her. "She is probably in the kitchen." There was a fear in his eyes that I am sure copied my own. Neither of us wanted to face her.

"Your Daddy is right for once. I am in here." Her voice bellowed out. Filling every corner of the otherwise empty house. "Why don't you both come in here and join me? I have all kinds of fun planned for us."

We dragged our feet. Neither of us wanted to go in there but we knew we had to all the same. She was sitting at the kitchen table. There was this look on her face that I had never seen before. It disturbed me. I knew it couldn't be good inspite the fact that she was smiling. I had only seen her smile when she was about to hurt us. Like the time she killed my kitten just three hours after Daddy had brought it home and then made me bury it. She said it was my fault because I had made Daddy by the animal. Even though she was the one with blood on her hands.

I felt the few bites of ice cream I had eaten turn on my stomach. I felt as if I would throw up at any moment but knew I couldn't. It would just make everything worse. I folded my hands in my lap and sat quietly. Waiting for my punishment to be issued. Daddy took his place too. He was just as quiet. The only sounds that could be heard was the ticking of the seconds from the hall clock and the tapping of her nails on the table.

"So..." She looked us both over. As if she were trying to get a confession from us or something. Looking first at Daddy and then me. "You decided to go out without me and not answer my calls." She glared at Daddy until he wiggled like bait on a line waiting to be captured by a prized fish but not saying a word.

"And you?" she turned her eyes towards me. "I bet you couldn't wait to turn your Daddy against me with your lies." I didn't dare confirm or deny. It wasn't that she expected me to answer the question. That would be a huge mistake on my part. A hard lesson I learned a long time ago with the help of her hand across my face. After that I never answered anything she asked again unless she asked twice. Then only with extreme caution.

I guess our silence set her off even more. Her hand swept across my face so hard and so fast that I didn't even realize it had even happened until I was looking up from the chair. "Laura! That's enough." I don't know who was more shocked that Daddy had not only corrected her but had also raised his voice to her.

She burst out in tears. Not real ones but those huge ones someone had when they wanted to get pity. "See! She turned you against me!"

Daddy shook his head in denial. "No. She didn't have to." He let out a troubled sigh "You turned me against you. That child said nothing against you the whole time we were together. Actually we didn't think about you the whole time we were out having fun."

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A Way Out-Part Three (Fiction)



All too soon it was time to go. I didn't want to of course. I wanted this moment to last forever. I knew even at eight that it couldn't but deep within I wished all the same. I could tell that Daddy felt the same way. We had been pretending to be a normal family but that was all it was. Pretending. The reality of it became even more clear as we walked to the car to go home.

While we had been inside that magical place I had been having too much fun to notice the other people around us. The ones who watched us with an eagle eye. Whispering awful things behind their hands as we walked by laughing and having fun. With every step to the car I noticed it finally.

There were ones in town who thought my Daddy was a bad man. One who hit his wife out of anger. The one who yelled and ruled the home with an iron fist. That was because that was the rumor Mama started. First telling the police and then in time letting it leak out to the few friends she had. The truth was that she had friends for that reason and that reason alone. To trash Daddy's name. Some people would walk across the street in order to avoid him.

Then there were those who had seen the work of Mama's fist. These were the ones who had seen Daddy sport a black eye after being just a few minutes late coming home. They would laugh. Daddy was a big man but he was allowing a slip of a woman rule his household. They would maintain a blank look in front of Daddy but then laugh as soon as they thought he was out of ear shot.

Then there were those who pitied Daddy. They knew he spoke the truth but didn't know how to help him. They knew he was a gentle giant but it was easier to just look the other way than admit they pitied such a person. Even if they respected his reasons for enduring Mama’s ways. I am ashamed even now to admit that inspite the fact that I had just enjoyed a beautiful outing with my father, I was ashamed of him as a person.

I wanted to hide somewhere. I didn't at that moment want others to know he was my father. Plus I was angry. Why didn't he stand his ground with her? Why did he allow her to do hit him? Why did he allow her to put both us down? I mean I was a kid but he didn't have that excuse.

By the time we arrived to the car the magic of the day had faded into where such memories go. My head was hung in shame. I didn't speak. I felt it sink even lower when the phone rung yet again. I knew it was her. No one else had Daddy's cell number. He didn't dare answer it. "Daddy answer it." I felt suddenly tired for my age. I felt tired for anyone's age actually.

"No. I will talk to her when we get home." I could see his hands grip the steering wheel. "Do you want to go out for ice cream before we go home?" I knew I couldn't eat anything else but I also knew that this would be the last time for awhile we would have a chance to be alone. Mama would make sure of that without a doubt. She wouldn't let us out of her sight for awhile "Sure Daddy." His smile returned almost bright as earlier. I said a silent prayer of thanks for making the right choice.

We each got a small cone but neither ate much of them. Daddy's cell screamed a reminder what would happen when we got home. We didn't talk for a long while. Just sat on the park bench watching happy families walk by. Both of us wishing that we lived in such a family.

"I am so sorry for this Honey." I almost missed what he was saying due to him speaking so soft.

"Why Daddy?"

"I am so sorry for the way life has been for you." He sighed as he looked out towards the distance for a moment. "You deserve so much more than the life we have given you."

I didn't know what to say. Instead I just struggled my shoulders as if it was no big deal. I mean what could a kid say to something like that. Again I guess it was the right choice because Daddy ruffled my head before getting up to throw away his almost uneaten cone. "Well I guess we better go and face the music." he held his hand out towards me. I really didn't want to take it. It meant we would have to go back to HER. I didn't want to do that by any means but I knew we had to face her all the same. So I took his hand and we were off to head home.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

A Way Out-Part Two (Fiction)



I made my bed in record time. I wanted to see what Daddy had planned and knew that if I didn't hurry Mama would wake up and ruin it for us both. I checked everything for dust bunnies. Mama hated dust bunnies. They would set her off in a rage worse than anything. I checked the bathroom and then hurried to change into some going outside clothes. Complete with two pig tails that each sported a pink ribbon at the top. The way Daddy liked my hair.

With the speed of light beneath my feet I arrived back downstairs and back by Daddy's side in no time. There was still no sign of Mama. She must be having one of those really bad headaches. Daddy tried to get her to go to a doctor but she said doctors were for fools. She wasn't going to spend good money being a fool when there was bills to pay.

Daddy’s face filled with a true smile this time. I felt a warmth flood my little body from such approval. I loved it when my Daddy smiled like that. It made me feel special to know I had caused such a reaction from him.

He placed a finger over his lips. I knew it meant that Mama was stirring. That meant it wouldn't be long before she would be up and about. If he was planning something special with me then we had to do it now before she could put a stop to it. I followed behind Daddy towards the front door. Tip-toeing all the way. I only stopped to bend down and pick up my shoes. Once on the porch I sat down to slip them on while Daddy shut the door.

We raced to the car. I jumped in while Daddy pushed it down to the end of the driveway. Once there he jumped in and started the car. We were off. We had escaped our jail for a little while. We both let out the breathes we had been holding in. We then looked at each other and laughed like madmen. The truth was we might have been a little mad.

"I have a day you will never forget planned for you." he kept his eyes forward as I tried to guess where we were going. Each time he would shake his head and say "Nope" before I would try yet again to figure out the mystery place.

To say I was a little shocked when we pulled up to the fair grounds was a huge understatement. I had overheard several classmates say that the fair was in town. As much as I wanted to go I didn't dare ask. I knew the answer and what would follow. I had just figured it not to be worth the trouble.

Now here I was. At the very place I had dreamed about. I sat back for a moment to take in the sights of all the action going on around me. From the big wheel that rolled around and around at a snail's pace to the venders walking around trying to sell their wares.

“Won’t Mama be mad for us coming here?”

“Let's not worry about her right now." He captured my eight year old face in his large hands to assure he had my total attention "This is our day. No matter what happens afterwards or how life may turn out this is our moment in time Darling. No one, not even your mother will ever be able to steal it from us."

I could see this look in his eyes that needed me to believe this. It was like he was trying to make up for having to live this hell of a life with him. I wanted to gather him up in my arms and tell my daddy that everything would be okay. Especially when I saw the tear that lingered in his eye but didn't dare fall. It really broke my heart and made me mad. This shouldn't be a cross I had to bare and it was at least half his fault that I having to bare it all the same.

I knew that I needed to push the anger and sadness away from my thoughts. At least for a little while. There would be enough time for the hurt and pain later. This wasn't that time. So I gave him the biggest smile I had ever given anyone. A smile that told him I understood what he was trying to tell me. Even if I didn’t. It must have worked. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and then opened the car door.

We were off to enjoy the fair and enjoy it we did. I think we laughed harder than either of us had before as we watched others ride the rides while waiting for our turn. Then we screamed our heads off as we took our turn. We ate hot dogs and elephant ears til I just knew we would puke. Not once did we worry about things like money, calories, or Mama.

Daddy's cell phone started ringing about an hour after we got there. First it was every thirty minutes but then it got to be every five minutes as we stayed longer. After a while Daddy just turned it off. We both knew who it was and we wasn't going to even allow her to steal our day away.