Thursday, September 16, 2010
This is like a little grab bag of posting if you will. I really don't have a topic in mind but I am trying my best to write something everyday. No matter how mixed up the thoughts are within my brain. This happens sometimes. My brain has a habit of running a little crazy from time to time. Still at least I am writing and that is what is important.
I have been trying like crazy to settle on a topic for novel. Still haven't gotten one that really grabs me. I am not going to panic quite yet. I still have a while to go before I need to start outlining. Until then I guess I will just continue to brain storm as I get my writing kit ready.
I have been checking out the blogs of the other writers on the net. I have to say I am so impressed. I just sit in amazement on how cool they are. Compared to everyone else I feel like a preschooler trying to play grown up.
I am planning on giving my little place a little bit of a make over if you will. I want to add a few pages, up the graphics a little, and of course redo the links for the blogs on the side. I want to really showcase my humble place to make it more interesting to those who have been kind enough to visit. A blog face lift if you will. The difference being of course is after there won't be any high cheekbones.
I am looking forward to the weekend. Not sure why. To be honest outside of a party at a friend's house and work, it's going to be a normal work, sleep, work, sleep again work kind of weekend. I have this feeling something awesome is going to happen. Just not sure why I have this feeling or what that something special is going to be.
Ever had that feeling? The bubbling wave of excitement that really can't be explained type of feeling? It happens ever so often for me. Sometimes it turns out to be a great story. Sometimes it's having a new person who is interesting come into my life (friend or otherwise). Then sometimes nothing happens. I just carry this feeling around and I start walking on air as if I have won some huge prize or something. In a way have during this time period. The prize of course being life in general.
I love when that happens the best because that is when my eyes feel wide open and my heart feels as if all is right with the world. A feeling that surpasses everything else in life.
Well I need to go for now. I need to get a nap before I do round two of working. Then I don't have to work two jobs in one day again until Monday (Gas station and restaurant). So I am off and I hope everyone has a great night and if I don't catch you again until Monday I wish everyone a great weekend.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I get my cigarettes (I know bad habit), my coffee, my energy drink, and the desire to settle down for a long writing session. Plots swirl around in my head. Characters come to life. My views of the world as I see it flood my brain. I am ready to write something to rock the world (at least within my mind). I am all set to go.
I start getting lost in the world I enjoy most and then it happens. It might be a call on my phone, an IM, or someone comes into the room. Perfect example.
The other person: Whatcha doing?
Me: Just writing.
The other person: Oh. So your not busy.
Me: Dumbfounded look shadows my face.
This has been the norm for as long as I can remember. People not taking what I am working for seriously. I have to admit that I don't help things since I allow it to happen but still it never fails to amaze me.
I am not sure if those around me see writing as a legit career to work towards or if they just don't see me as a legit writer. Either way I have been working the last couple of years to chance that image. I thought I had made some headway last November when I wrote my first novel.
Those around me watched on as I gave up sleep, a social life, and breathing while I pounded out those words that came together to complete that book I so cherish as my first baby as far as writing goes. For a month those around me offered support and understanding when I didn't race to answer their calls, texts, or emails. It was like "She is writing. She will get back to us later."
Now if I don't answer the phone rings and rings until I turn it off or answer it. Texts are sent asking if I have fallen off the planet if I don't answer right away. Email contacts stop talking to me if I don't respond. Writing for them is no longer seen as an excusable reason to cut myself off from the world for a little while.
There are still those who are very supportive of the goals I have set for myself. They understand why I am trying to push myself so hard. By the way I am very grateful for all of those who are still cheering me on as I get closer and closer to my goal.
So as I continue towards my goal of becoming a respected published writer I have to think of a way to get others on board. To really make them understand why I feel so driven towards the goals I have set for myself.
I am sure the best way to start is to insist on having that quiet time to write without fear of ticking anyone off. The other way is when I am asked what I am doing maybe I should answer with "I am writing." instead of the "Just writing." statement.
Maybe by making these sort of changes then I can get more than the pat on the head as they give those "Isn't she cute? She thinks she's a writer." smiles. Time will tell as I move forward. So off I go to write.
He sat on the broken log watching as all the other children got high fives for picking up the package foam that had been thrown across the yard when they all were playing. I could see the longing in his eyes even as he sat acting as if he didn't really care. His body curling within it's self as each child throwing their hand up to receive their praise.
"Don't forget him." I mentioned to Arty as he made his way around the yard.
"I won't." He made a point of walking over to the little boy on that log and giving him his well earned high five.
My heart broke in two as I watched this child. His eyes went from longing to mistrust to finally a small sliver of joy. I knew he wasn't use to praise. He endures name calling and blame. His world is a lonely one. Most adults couldn't handle the pain that clearly this child carried on his thin shoulders.
This is the child who off and on bullies Connor. Most days I find myself watching him to make sure he doesn't hurt my baby. Most days I find myself wondering why his mother doesn't get better control over him. I mean when someone tries to talk to her about something he had done, she would just shrug her shoulders and say "I can't control him." She has been known to laugh at his misdeeds.
That isn't to say that she doesn't yell her head off when he has done something wrong towards her. The whole neighborhood knows it then. We all get to her the "lovely" names that she has for him. I feel my skin crawl every time I hear that voice that can cut through glass hurl insults at this child. I want to run out there and just hug him. It's clear he doesn't get many of those in his life just by the reaction I had seen today.
This explains why he bullies. I really don't think he wants to be this way but it seems it's the only way he has even a small bit of control. I am afraid that he is going to be an angry little boy who will grow up into an angry man. One who doesn't trust women and only knows how to use brute force to cope with the issues in life he might face.
So tonight as I got Connor to bed I held him a little closer as I said a little prayer for the little boy who doesn't know how to love or be loved. I hope that a miracle happens and that light that hides within him will shine inspite of the harsh life he lives at the moment. I hope that his mother will find a man who will actually take an interest in this child to help him to grow up into the man he needs to be in life.
Above all I hope when the time comes he is able to break away and leave the pain he has had to endure behind. I hope that the sadness he carries at the moment will be fleeing. That when he has children that just maybe he'll be able to overcome the hurdles of his mother's parenting skills and show the love that he so clearly craves in life.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Not sure why but it feels like all my best ideas hit me when I am at work. The very time that I can't sit down and write. Now some might say that I should write these ideas down and explore them later on when I get home but the type of jobs I work doesn't allow one time to do such a thing.
I have tried. I try to maintain these series of brainstorming thoughts but by the time I get where I can do this I find that I have forgotten the ideas all together. Of course this causes a major brain freeze as I try my best to bring up these plot ideas. It doesn't help at all. I think I have gotten pass the writer's block thing I was enduring.
I have found that I have gotten my writing groove back. I have only been allowing myself to write in my little blogs as I have started planning for the National Novel Writing Month (Which I am still drawing a blank on by the way).
Well I have got to run. I have to go to get ready for work (Cooking job). I am going to try my best to keep great mental notes on what's going on today and see if I can turn it into a story or two. So TTFN!!!!
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Even thought I have already written two posts for September I figured I needed to write one to welcome in the ending of summer as well as the arrival of fall. I love fall. It's not too hot or cold. It's the coming of the fair. It's the leaves changing. It's the small window were things just seem so perfect weather wise.
It's also the gateway to the series of holidays that seems to hit one after the other. Labor Day, Halloween (my fav), Veteran's Day (another fav), Thanksgiving, Christmas, and of course then the New Year. I have big hopes for the next couple of months for myself. Both in the writing world as well as my personal ones but I am getting ahead of myself.
Even though my thoughts are swirling way ahead to the months I have to force myself to look at just this month and keep focus on that alone at this time. I have a lot of planning to do for my next novel that I will be writing come November. I wasn't all that happy with the outcome of the last one.
I want to write one that just "WOWS" me. One that when I am editing it I feel a fire under me that just burns to be shared with the world. The last one didn't quite do it for me. I mean I was proud of the fact that I wrote it. It does hold a soft spot in my heart since it was my first novel but I know it would never take off.
I want the next one to be worthy of being published. I didn't redeem my code last time because I didn't feel it merit it. I don't want that to happen this time around. I have fifty days to come up with "The Next Great American Novel". At least something closer than the one than I wrote last time. I know I can do it. I believe in myself and that is what matters.
On a somewhat different subject and speaking of other goals I have for myself. I haven't done all that well on my goal to write a million words within a year. I have to do a lot of work in order to get that done of course. My little word chart hasn't remotely. Especially the last couple of months. I could say it's due to the "issues" that I have endured in my personal life but the truth is everyone has "issues".
Even if it feels as if I can't write a word I have to try anyway. Even if my pieces suck. The point is that since I have gone so long without writing all that much I have felt a bit out of it. I am hoping that this renewed desire to push towards my goals I am able to get my writing back on track and where it needs to be for me.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The title of this post really describes how my day has gone. I have felt a bit out of it. Like I am sleep walking through my day (which I am sure I was). I know I caught myself a couple of times in the middle of one task or another at work and then realize I had to shake my head a little to wake up. I think it's the side effect from the weekend I had. A week's worth of working in a three day time period if you will.
Could have been due to the fact that my mind has been spinning with ideas for pieces to write. I would be cooking or washing a dish at work and I caught myself planning out stories to the point that I think I was even speaking the character’s lines. I am sure my new co-workers think I am a huge head case. I keep forgetting that my mom has had many years of me doing this sort of thing. So it's not odd to her because she knew what I was doing. Someone who doesn't know me on the other hand has had the same chance to adjust. I will have to remember this in the future of course.
It did get me thinking if you will. About when I was a child. I use to play pretend a lot as a child. Everything from a rock star to a mommy to the bell of the ball if you will. I use to dream up all sorts of things and play these little childhood dramas out until I was called in for supper. Content to live in the little world I had created. I am thinking that now as an adult it is almost the same thing. Except in this case it's called mapping out a story instead of just "playing pretend".
Understand I don't see myself as most of these characters. Instead I see others who around me and how they would handle things like a zombie attacking (A big thing on My Yearbook it seems) or giving birth to a vampire.
As out there as it might seem the whole point is that I find myself wrapping my mind more and more into this writer's world I have always desired to join. Now that it seems closer than it's ever been (Thanks to the creation of the internet) it seems I have finally have that outlet I have always been searching for if you will. As if maybe I finally have a few "playmates" willing to join me in the worlds I create.
With that in mind it's time for me to crash. I hope everyone's day has been wonderful and I promise to add those three missing cups that will make that figurative pot of coffee that lurks within my brain. Night for now...K.D.
I was getting ready to do a little morning writing before work when Steven B from "Mix In The Morning" (A local radio/t.v. show) asked if having more money could make people happier. I have heard people say that they could solve all their issues if they had more money. I myself have even been guilty of claiming this from time to time. I have even heard people say they would be willing to trade their problems for other issues if it brought more money.
Now I am a realist. I know that in truth money can't solve all one's problems in life and no Steven B wasn't claiming it would solve anyone's problems in life. Still his question took another turn within my brain that I want to ask anyone who takes the time to read this humble post. What brings you true happiness in life?
For me it's many things. It's the sun shining on a bright sunny day. It's writing a piece that in my mind is outstanding. It's watching my son racing his bike around with his friends and hearing their laughter echo through the air. It's sharing a laugh with a friend. It's completing a goal I have set for myself. There are many things within life that I can find happiness in as a whole. Above all the one thing that brings me complete happiness is waking up each morning and knowing that good or bad I have been given the chance to face the day.
So with that said I would love to read what brings you happiness. So please leave a comment but even if you don't I hope that as you go about your day that you ponder this question. Maybe it will force you to take notice in all the little things within life that makes your day a little brighter and in the long run makes your life a lot happier than you realize.